During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

“Well,” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No,” said the director, “a normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

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As a kid, I never liked to play Post Office. I preferred Pony Express, because there was horsin’ around. (Ray Dawson from Ruminations)

What do you call a woman who can’t stop buying romance novels? A heroine addict.

We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

Why is Tolkien’s “Lord of the Rings” such compulsive reading? Because it’s hobbit-forming.

“Dr. Benjamin Porter visited the school yesterday and lectured on ‘Destructive Pests.’ A large number were present.”

Champagne: Artificial window glass.

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Our Father, I think of all the pain and heartache, the tears and sorrow, the greed and cruelty unloosed around the world.

Help me to be an instrument of Thine to alleviate the pain, by this day:
       returning good for evil,
       returning soft answers for sharp criticisms,
       being polite when I receive rudeness,
       being understanding when I am confronted by ignorance and stupidity.

So may I, in gentleness and love, check the hasty answer, choke back the unkind retort, and thus short-circuit some of the bitterness and unkindness that has overflowed Thy world.

I ask this in the name of Jesus, who alone can give me the grace so to act. Amen

Peter Marshall
Chaplain US Senate 1947-1949

While making the rounds, Dr. Owens points out an X-Ray to a group of medical students.

“As you can see,” he says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Aman Preet, what would you do in a case like this?”

Preet pondered for a second and answered, “I guess I’d limp, too.”

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