“Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid
what’s called a red flag. That’s something the IRS always looks for. For
example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes.
That’s a red flag.” – Jay Leno
***
“The taxpayer – that’s someone who works for the federal government but
doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” – Ronald Reagan
***
“To you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax
return on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be a ‘pain in
the neck,’ the folks at the IRS are regular people just like you, except that
they can destroy your life.” – Dave Barry

Received from GCFL

My sister’s dog had been deaf and blind for
years. When she started to suffer painful tumors, it was time to put her down.
As I explained this to my seven-year-old son, he asked if Jazzy would go to
heaven. I said I thought she would, and that in dog heaven, she would be
healthy again and able to do her favorite thing: chase squirrels.

Jacob thought about that for a minute, then said, “So dog heaven must be
the same as squirrel hell.”

Received from GCFL

The scene: The “F” train of the
subway line in New York City.

I was commuting from the Borough of Queens to my job in Manhattan. I’d finished
reading the morning paper and was saving it to bring to friends on the job. How
do you save a newspaper on the subway? You sit on it.

A new commuter came in, saw the newspaper under my rear, and asked the second
most stupid question I’ve ever heard (someday I may tell of the first):
“Are you reading that paper?”

I stood up, turned the page, sat down on the paper, and answered,
“Yes.”

Received from GCFL

You can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow. 

— Janis Joplin

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When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.

— Jimi Hendrix

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[Editor’s observation] It’s just amazing to think how close Janis & Jimi were to the truth and still missed it. They left out the one thing – rather, person – that would put everything into focus & make sense of this thing we call life: Jesus.