10. You’ll know that your turkey is a Butterball rather than a Grade E yet semi-edible fur ball.

9. Your mother will not be serving your mashed potatoes and stuffing with an ice cream scooper.

8. Pumpkin pie is a great alternative to green Jello.

7. After your eighth glass of cider, your emergency dash to the bathroom will not be delayed by having to line the seat with toilet paper.

6. Clean underwear, comfortable bed, access to a car, bedroom larger than a 12×14 cell… OK, even if it is for only four days.

5. To eat your meals the only trek you’ll have to make is from the couch to the kitchen, rather than the dorm to the dining hall…in below freezing weather.

4. Instead of listening to “when I first started teaching here…” you can be entertained by “when your mother was your age…” and “during the Depression we weren’t lucky enough to have Brussels sprouts. All we could afford was the sprout!”

3. You can eat your corn steamed with butter rather than popped in your microwave.

2. You’ll know the hair in the shower drain is your own.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COLLEGE STUDENTS ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO THANKSGIVING… (drum roll, please…)

1. You won’t be eating your Thanksgiving meal off a tray!

As seen in GCFL (www.gcfl.net)

Thanksgiving Forecast

THANKSGIVING OUTLOOK by Elliot Abrams, excerpted from the book, “Weather Prognosticators and the Media: Fallacies, Facts, and Fun in Forecasting,” by Norm MacDonald

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190 F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34 F in the refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.

Two female privates are ordered to paint the general’s office. They are warned not to get paint on their uniforms. So they lock the door, strip down to their underwear and get to work.

An hour later, there’s a knock at the door. “Who is it?” they ask. “Blind man.” Thinking nothing of it, the privates open the door. “Hi,” says the man. “Where do you want the blinds?”

Received from martysjotd and seen in GCFL

They are in need of prayers for many people, and the orphan children in Andhra are fighting illnesses, due to cyclone and weather changes. Also please ask God to help provide winter clothing for the children at Grace Orphan home; sweaters, socks, gloves and hats.