When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, “LOL!”

Start using Facebook for something other than Farmville and stupid quizzes.

I will try to figure out why I “really” need five Facebook accounts.

I resolve to work with neglected children… my own.

Lose 20 pounds by going to the gym!

I will stop using, “So, what’s your URL?” as a pickup line.

I will spend less than five hours a day on the Internet.

I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it.

Spend less than $1000 for coffee at Starbucks this year.

Lose weight by inventing an anti-gravity machine.

Stop repeating myself again, and again, and again.

I will stop tagging pictures of myself in pictures even when I’m not in them.

I will think of a password other than “password.”

As seen in GCFL (The Good, Clean Funnies List)

Would you do what Jesus did? He exchanged the worship of angels for the company of killers. If you were God, would you? I wouldn’t, but Christ did! Jesus humbled Himself. He went from commanding angels to sleeping in the straw. Why? Because that is what love does. It puts the loved before itself. Your place in heaven was more important to Him than His place in heaven, so He gave up His so you could have yours.

It’s time to let His love cover all things in your life. Every promise broken, every cross word, and harsh word. His love covers all things. Let it! Do it for His sake. For the peace of your heart. And do it for their sake. For the people in your life. Let His love fall on you so yours can fall on them.

Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Skillfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes himself a large portion of noodles into his bowl, then tops it off with some chicken and cashew nuts. All this is done with consummate ease you’d expect from a Jedi Master.

Poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chopsticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself.

Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says, “Use the FORKS, Luke.”