YOU ARE A BAD COOK IF…
The leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter.
Those annoying pest control companies keep pestering you, wanting to buy and patent your recipe for candy Christmas cookies.
You forget and leave a gallon of your homemade ice cream on the porch overnight during a record busting heat- and the next afternoon, not only is it still solid, but it tastes better.
The EPA requires that all your garbage cans be marked with large bright red ‘biohazard’ symbols.
You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.
You consider it a culinary success if the pop-tart stays in one piece.
Your dog goes to the neighbors’ to eat.
Your family buys Alka Seltzer and Kaopectate in bulk.
When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.
Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren.
Your microwave display reads “TILT!”
Your two best recipes are meatloaf and apple pie, but your dinner guests can’t tell which is which.
You’ve used three boxes of scouring pads and a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won’t let go of the pan.
You make tuna noodle surprise and the surprise is that it glows in the dark and melts the silverware.
The last time you tried to make toast the kitchen caught on fire
Your apple pie bubbled over and ate the enamel off the bottom of the oven.
You make tuna noodle broccoli surprise for your family and the surprise is that it glows in the dark!
Your homemade bread can be used as a door stop.
Your family prays AFTER they eat!
– As seen in Inspiration Plus
